Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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