she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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