Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
