so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize