I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
