Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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