I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
