it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
