Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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