Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
