My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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