Plan B is the new Plan A
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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