HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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