im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
