First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize