moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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