guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
