I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize