i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
