I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
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