is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
