tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize