Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
