Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
