just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
