So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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