Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
