Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Randomize
