I love having hate sex.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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