i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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