Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
