How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
