so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
