Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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