I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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