while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
