$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Randomize