i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize