Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
