I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize