You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
