my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
