I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
