"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
