we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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