somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I love you. Go after that dick
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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