i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
