Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
