Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
