Whod you bang
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
