Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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