Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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