I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I will be naked everywhere
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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