We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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