When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
