That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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