you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
