I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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