I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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