im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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