The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
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