I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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