Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
