So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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