My friends, they love my intelligence
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize