I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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