you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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