Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
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