So drunk its hurt
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize