wakey wakey hands off snakey
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
