we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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